Once again, satirical newspaper the Onion has outperformed the world's top media. Consider the obsessive media hype surrounding the David Petraeus sex scandal: the 24-hour drip-feed of salacious details about what one general did or didn't do with one woman or another, about who might have known what and when, and how one Florida socialite fits into the whole murky picture.

Think about all that. Then read this:

WASHINGTON—As they scoured the Internet for more juicy details about former CIA director David Petraeus’ affair with biographer Paula Broadwell, Americans were reportedly horrified today upon learning that a protracted, bloody war involving U.S. forces is currently raging in the nation of Afghanistan. “Oh my God, this is terrible,” Allie Lipscomb, 29, said after accidentally stumbling on an article about the war while she tried to ascertain details about what specific sexual acts Petraeus and Broadwell might have engaged in. “According to this, 2,000 American troops have died, 18,000 have been wounded, and more than 20,000 civilians have been killed. Jesus Christ. And it’s been happening for, like, 11 years ...”

Unless you've been living in a cave for the past week, the Petraeus scandal will have been hard to miss. But in that time, other stuff involving the CIA has definitely been going on.

If you think real global news deserves more ink than scandal, share this with everyone.